Razor Kitty Fax Detergent Versus Ancient Fever Rerun

Nicknames for The Area Known as Belonging to The Male Anatomy

Yonkers, New York
Area P
El Toro
Mr. Area Zone
Unloading Dock
French Marshall
Mandatory Stockage
Maximum Export
Loin Cheese
Juicey Kid
Flesh Mex
Butler Hill
Chummy
Jay Swiss
South of The Border
Package Material
Sal Capone
Suck Meister
Meat Loaf
Crotchedy
Old Crotchedy
Potato Stuffing
Goodies
Luggage
Hostess Ding Dongs with a side of Crab Ragoons
Picker Barrels
Jack-In-The-Box
Holy Boner
Packed Up
Outgoing Material
Rock Jammer
Guest-In-The-House
Twigs and Berries (Austin Powers Movie)
Controlled Situation

girlfriend

On all fours your body hung,
As my tongue dragged through my lips
Across your ground, barely
Touching, drinking
The sweat-skin, hearing your
Heart beating within:
A Turbulent pulse pounding
Its ways throughout your body,
Filling each cavity of flesh
With burning fluid, seething
Through our loins until
They touch
And ignite the storm.

The Incredible Shrinking Meshugeneh

The day began as usual. The following items were ready at the stroke of the alarm: approx. 4.

• Iphone
• Marlboro Lights
• Contacts
• Red Sox Cap (green)
• Approx $20 for after work
• Keys

There wasn't any point in having the alarm. After countless times waking up at this hour, economic service became almost automatic. As a valuable member of Resume Facial, I wore the juice of management early on.

First, there would be the coffee and Iphone. Sometimes, making efficent usage of coordinating these activities required even more dexterity than managing the daily task of either one alone.

If the coffee maker was not cleaned, plugged in and filled with water, this procedure took priority over powering on Iphone, running the email application and Twitter updates, and a couple of RSS. Normally, the balance of power shifted towards completing the coffee application process.

In some instances it was necessary to being "offline aware", that is, timing the start-up applications in Iphone and then cleaning and preparing the coffee. An awareness of being disconnected from Iphone required offline skills in calculating the inner soul of a CPU cycle. Using clockspeed to engage my understanding of the coffee timing was fine tuned. By the time I was reading something interesting, I was interrupted by my coffee.

Iphone application processing often was faster than coffee generation. Subscribing to application belief services in favor of managing the underlying service code supporting a mere cup of coffee sometimes appeared absolute ridiculous. However, labour costs were higher without coffee input. Soaking the entire Iphone in a vat of coffee and laying down for bed time could have been a quick and satisfying solution.

Ultimately, the placement of the coffee next to the Iphone on a table not much larger than shoebox (and which appeared where shoes had once resided), occurred. Immediately, the urge to Twitter this discovery made my head swoon. I was overcome with the feeling that, after the ordeal of generating a coffee resource and simultaneously operating my Iphone applications, nobody in the world, except for me, had the idea of creating this new mobile application, writing it down in a blog format, so easily viewable by each person contacting my third-party provider.

The amount of cultural discovery, technology and access to visionary historians was almost complete until I felt something dripping on my forehead, my Iphone and my groin from above. Was there coffee dripping from my ceiling? I Googled the possibilities.

I'm Boring

While reading your "I'm Boring" blog post, I practically fell asleep. I don't know which was more boring. Was it the sentence structure? Perhaps a lack of imagery? Regardless, after each word which appeared, I imagined it being repeated back to me, in my own words, in my own writer's voice.

Your "I'm Boring" was so boring, I had trouble reaching words to get it all down on the computer monitor. This was essentially the most boring post of them all. If I had someone to call, then the first thought I my mind would be to say: "Ugh, you wouldn't know what happened today. I read the most boring observation." Then I would hang up, having nothing else to say.

Reading this boring post irritates the hell out of me! What is there to gain by looking at your scrawl, line-by-line? I, for one, could think of any number of alternatives. Try concentrating on why you are bored by me writing this. But thats like drinking water while your already had enough. Whats more water going to do? Your thirst for interest is just lacking.

I used to feel I could write an interesting commentary on what it feels like to write. I don't like to write; never used to. If I had it my way, I'd have everyone describe how they write, as opposed to what they're saying. I couldn't give a crap about what you mean; I'd like to know what the hell your going to do about it. And what you normally do is give me some boring blog post called "I'm bored, and I'm going to write about it".

I guess this is consistent in what boring you to tears about: in other words, the how in how I can be boring. Believe me, it doesn't take much effort. I'm bored by MySpaceBook entries, I'm bored by writing, I'm bored by writing this all down.

You tell me its been 40 years since Man walked on the moon? I'll draw you a picture with a moon, put it on my kitchen floor, and stand on it while reheating some chinese food noodles. So there. If you've never been to the moon, and all you know are the stories and pictures you've seen, well, my friend, my little moon picture in my apartment with me wearing my spacesuit is farther along than your experience, Lo-Mein and all!

Okay, so if someone say, "Hey, boring guy, what gets your juice?" Yeah, I'd say, "Waddaya taking about?" They it goes back and forth, the market price for juice is transacted in language. And then you get me and my dare-you-to-read-my-boring-blog. So, who's got your juice now? You know it ain't this. Its all those millions upon millions lines of text you end of scrawling through, pecking through your keyboard and hyperlinks for juice. Value juice is like Einstein's relativity, figuratively and literally, boring.

You want to sleep some more? Okay with me. I'll bore you to death. You bored by reading this? Or would you want to take a crack at it yourself? No difference there, we know what your thinking. If your reading this, your almost writing it for me, so it saves you some time. Fill in the rest yourself, I'm yawning and falling down near where I sleep on my laptop writing boring posts.

HEY, WE TALKIE-IN-YOUR-FACE!

WANTED: Gregarious, attention-starved, actors, and other essential personnel are poised to grow in this desperate economy; and, fortunately, what we are is one of the fastest opportunities out there to succeed! THE ONLY DESIRABLE QUALIFICATIONS WE SEEK IS YOUR ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY THAT YOU AGREE TO MAXIMUM CULTURAL TORTURE! Our Multi-National, genetically-Anglo-Saxon Corporation SEEKS YOUR LIVE YOUTUBE DEBUT TO PROVIDE MAXIMUM ENTERTAINMENT TO OUR CHIEF EXECUTION OFFICERS IN THE PROCESS!  In other words, the more your MOUTH FLIES, the more PROMISE YOU HAVE AS A CORPORATE AMERICAN IDOL .We seek dull, programmable, self-absorbed, institutionalized in-the-box thinkers accustomed to their pictorial cubicle areas..

 

WE OF THE COMPANY DO HEREBY AUTHORIZE A PLEASANT mental game of ego-performance artists, with chatty and sparkling conversations. OUR PHILOSOPHY IS SIMPLE; WE’RE ALL THE SAME., Aren’t you a lovely and adorable drone? Seeking to butter your employer’s butt for a chomp? Would that be a “yes”? Join our staff of glorified automatons addicted to facial transmission skills, closing any tiny door left open to the universe at any given time.. Our continuing stream of reliving the glory days and bragging about this bitch we call Life is so pompous and self-serving that we need more employees to pay attention to us and verify our reality. All that’s required is a cup of coffee, a chip on the shoulder and your bad-ass attitude that any liberal would be scared off his ass, for goodness sake!  WE REQUIRE A CONTINUAL STREAM OF FM-RADIO CONVERSATION! You must be willing to talk your ass off in our place, gush over the smallest of details, and blather at a high rate of speed. Antidotes, stories, chit-chat, small talk, office games, sports knowledge, self-centeredness and arrogance is what makes time FLY BY! We at WE TALKIE-IN-YOUR-FACE is EXACTLY WHAT WE DO. YOU LIKE US ALREADY

 

Admit it, more and more Employees want to be the center of attention; they crave others to listen to their daily rambling theatre. Bored Employees seek out new and mind-altering ways of saying the same thing countless times. We provide services to officiate bullshit. Our offices nationwide develop choice-cut, meaty, small talk, they kind that launch your social group career that nobody ever went to school for!  You have nothing in common with people who need at least a minute to think, desperate to concentrate under the pressure of happy smiling faces demanding full holiday, family and playful banter. Don’t have a pain-in-ass family to bitch about? Don’t have enough debt to consider yourself a victim of society? Have too much liberal arts education to make the Mob almost DROOL at you sitting there, hoping to get your head on a plate with an apple in your mouth? NOT TO WORRY. We will marry you off to that pain-in-the-ass family and/or spouse so you grovel among the best. Pay off your bills regularly and have some to keep you happy? That kind of tolerance we professionally contaminate here at WE TALKIE-IN-YOUR-FACE. Plus, we instruct how you can completely circumvent perceived politically-correctness. We pride ourselves in laughing in the face of Human Resources, and so should you! Think you don’t have enough education to get to the next corporate level. Simply FUCK UP SOMEBODY in your next door cubicle. Yeah, that’s right, just say that you’d smash their face in, laugh out loudly, because you know all you really can do is engage in TALKIE-IN-OUR-FACE. We make you understand that budding careers are nurtured in the warm, brown shit from the fear of weirdos. Their background education in English, Literature, Art makes their desperation even more fertile to grow your control over others. The more shit on them, the less on you. Your tough, too, you know that those who went to college can be placed into any number of categories to make them seem like a leech, a trust-baby, or a deadhead. What’s with this fucking educated society and people who have interests anyway? If there so smart, why are they here with you? So, wadda ya say?! Why aren’t they struggling like the rest us? Its because they’re weird liberals, simply as that. And we pay taxes to support these people and their willingness to succeed in society. And if they aren’t married with 2 kids, a new car, a mortgage and a dog named “Brownose”, then what kind of alien are they? And what freak planet did they come from? TALKIE-IN-YOUR-FACE is all about being a self-righteous Byzantine manager pissed-off on autopilot, too;  just because the boss pays your salary runs the company doesn’t mean they KNOW EVERYTHING, DO THEY? Go ahead, spread your own Ego around and show every who’s REALLY THE BOSS. Your Boss is merely just some outdated idea of someone’s who’s been sitting around all the time, wasting time; and this whatever company you’ve been employed at, paying you your wages, putting up with your obvious superiority. I’M TALKIE-IN-YOUR-FACE  is the reason you’ve been getting it up the ass. Makes total sense , doesn’t it?. And who the fuck cares about others’ opinions? Assholes who voluntarily give suggestions or provide feedback are unfortunately the flies that come with the territory: simply swat them away. Who wouldn’t hire the most gifted back-stabber in a pleasant office environment? No one. TALKIE-TO-OTHERS AS YOU WOULD TALKIE-IN-THEIR FACE. We are so much interested in each other’s lives, its incredible employees have to put up with all the bullshit that comes with being employed in the first place. We know that the big bucks go to those who know how to spend it: in their ass and out their mouths. WE-TALKIE. And your FACE-IS-HERE!

You Just Found It ! (YJFI)

YJFI, what shall it be?
Call my old friend from Chicopee?
Trustworthy URL and post to Spacebook?
Start a dot com and borrow a sum,
Or upload to Flickr photo album?
Oh, YJFI, what do you this to me!
What should you be, a hyperlink-symbolic medley?
Follow me on Twitter, if you please,
My YJFI is web-friendly.

YJFI, its not that special, really,
Yet the time spent online has been spent completly.
I've posted on Ebay and blogged YJFI,
My RSS is about dry.
Oh , my poor YJFI.
You sit here quite comfortably in this wireless cafeteria,
Wiki tap keys clicking and monitors a-glow
Bathed in mystical lights of the unknown.
Searching relentlessly, yet, they'll never find
My YJFI, logged in, all the time!