WANTED: Gregarious, attention-starved, actors, and other essential personnel are poised to grow in this desperate economy; and, fortunately, what we are is one of the fastest opportunities out there to succeed! THE ONLY DESIRABLE QUALIFICATIONS WE SEEK IS YOUR ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY THAT YOU AGREE TO MAXIMUM CULTURAL TORTURE! Our Multi-National, genetically-Anglo-Saxon Corporation SEEKS YOUR LIVE YOUTUBE DEBUT TO PROVIDE MAXIMUM ENTERTAINMENT TO OUR CHIEF EXECUTION OFFICERS IN THE PROCESS! In other words, the more your MOUTH FLIES, the more PROMISE YOU HAVE AS A CORPORATE AMERICAN IDOL .We seek dull, programmable, self-absorbed, institutionalized in-the-box thinkers accustomed to their pictorial cubicle areas..
WE OF THE COMPANY DO HEREBY AUTHORIZE A PLEASANT mental game of ego-performance artists, with chatty and sparkling conversations. OUR PHILOSOPHY IS SIMPLE; WE’RE ALL THE SAME., Aren’t you a lovely and adorable drone? Seeking to butter your employer’s butt for a chomp? Would that be a “yes”? Join our staff of glorified automatons addicted to facial transmission skills, closing any tiny door left open to the universe at any given time.. Our continuing stream of reliving the glory days and bragging about this bitch we call Life is so pompous and self-serving that we need more employees to pay attention to us and verify our reality. All that’s required is a cup of coffee, a chip on the shoulder and your bad-ass attitude that any liberal would be scared off his ass, for goodness sake! WE REQUIRE A CONTINUAL STREAM OF FM-RADIO CONVERSATION! You must be willing to talk your ass off in our place, gush over the smallest of details, and blather at a high rate of speed. Antidotes, stories, chit-chat, small talk, office games, sports knowledge, self-centeredness and arrogance is what makes time FLY BY! We at WE TALKIE-IN-YOUR-FACE is EXACTLY WHAT WE DO. YOU LIKE US ALREADY
Admit it, more and more Employees want to be the center of attention; they crave others to listen to their daily rambling theatre. Bored Employees seek out new and mind-altering ways of saying the same thing countless times. We provide services to officiate bullshit. Our offices nationwide develop choice-cut, meaty, small talk, they kind that launch your social group career that nobody ever went to school for! You have nothing in common with people who need at least a minute to think, desperate to concentrate under the pressure of happy smiling faces demanding full holiday, family and playful banter. Don’t have a pain-in-ass family to bitch about? Don’t have enough debt to consider yourself a victim of society? Have too much liberal arts education to make the Mob almost DROOL at you sitting there, hoping to get your head on a plate with an apple in your mouth? NOT TO WORRY. We will marry you off to that pain-in-the-ass family and/or spouse so you grovel among the best. Pay off your bills regularly and have some to keep you happy? That kind of tolerance we professionally contaminate here at WE TALKIE-IN-YOUR-FACE. Plus, we instruct how you can completely circumvent perceived politically-correctness. We pride ourselves in laughing in the face of Human Resources, and so should you! Think you don’t have enough education to get to the next corporate level. Simply FUCK UP SOMEBODY in your next door cubicle. Yeah, that’s right, just say that you’d smash their face in, laugh out loudly, because you know all you really can do is engage in TALKIE-IN-OUR-FACE. We make you understand that budding careers are nurtured in the warm, brown shit from the fear of weirdos. Their background education in English, Literature, Art makes their desperation even more fertile to grow your control over others. The more shit on them, the less on you. Your tough, too, you know that those who went to college can be placed into any number of categories to make them seem like a leech, a trust-baby, or a deadhead. What’s with this fucking educated society and people who have interests anyway? If there so smart, why are they here with you? So, wadda ya say?! Why aren’t they struggling like the rest us? Its because they’re weird liberals, simply as that. And we pay taxes to support these people and their willingness to succeed in society. And if they aren’t married with 2 kids, a new car, a mortgage and a dog named “Brownose”, then what kind of alien are they? And what freak planet did they come from? TALKIE-IN-YOUR-FACE is all about being a self-righteous Byzantine manager pissed-off on autopilot, too; just because the boss pays your salary runs the company doesn’t mean they KNOW EVERYTHING, DO THEY? Go ahead, spread your own Ego around and show every who’s REALLY THE BOSS. Your Boss is merely just some outdated idea of someone’s who’s been sitting around all the time, wasting time; and this whatever company you’ve been employed at, paying you your wages, putting up with your obvious superiority. I’M TALKIE-IN-YOUR-FACE is the reason you’ve been getting it up the ass. Makes total sense , doesn’t it?. And who the fuck cares about others’ opinions? Assholes who voluntarily give suggestions or provide feedback are unfortunately the flies that come with the territory: simply swat them away. Who wouldn’t hire the most gifted back-stabber in a pleasant office environment? No one. TALKIE-TO-OTHERS AS YOU WOULD TALKIE-IN-THEIR FACE. We are so much interested in each other’s lives, its incredible employees have to put up with all the bullshit that comes with being employed in the first place. We know that the big bucks go to those who know how to spend it: in their ass and out their mouths. WE-TALKIE. And your FACE-IS-HERE!
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