Set alarm clock. Wake Up to Alarm. Go back to Bed
Pick up Whatever
Walk to Kitchen. Forget Something? Try Again.
Netflix Movie Time. Don't forget to fall asleep immediately.
Somewhere, Someone's talking. Take notes. Toss in trash.
Pick Up Paper New York Times. 1 minute read Headlines. Then logon to Drudge Report.
Return all Phone Calls from past six months.
Respond to all text messages as follows: WTF?
Stand in long lines, anywhere you can.
Never compliment a woman by saying 'What a nice ass you have.'
Put out joint before parking car.
If you find yourself watching television, then you look for a job tomorrow.
Do not try putting on your clothes while on the subway before work.
Use proper sentence structures. Then make up the rest.
Clearly indicate on your tax form: "Exempt due to Financial Bailout"
Start your car the night before a snowstorm, but remember its running the next morning.
Promptly extinguish identity issues for fantastical institutional conditioning.
Itinerate all "Yes, We Can" Barak Obama chants until reaching personal fulfilment.
Declare yourself a State of Emergency Personal Holiday so as to receive federal funds.
Shop online for shopping assistants who specifically shop online.
Modify statements to women such as "Your so hot, will you have a sandwich with me at my cubicle?"
Use laudromats rather than purchasing new clothes with credit cards which have the picture of "Got Milk?"
Buy a Voice-Activated Robot that brings you your cell phone from the other room when it rings.
Always put birthday candles on your peanut butter sandwichs at lunch to appease the picture of yourself as a stockbroker from the 1930's market crash wearing wooden barrel overalls and blowing your brains out.
Ask your mother to come over and hang out and straighen out your checking account while she's there.
Microwave raw hamburger meant for 10 hours to avoid the mess cleaning up a perflectly good frying pan.
Rather than say "May I be excused" say "I think I'm going to vomit all over the place."
Write to Congress and indicate your need for additional funds; otherwise, a significant part of the economy will go down the tubes.
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Wednesday, January 07, 2009
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