Wonderful news! Major new organizations announce their own initiative to help the economy, entitled "BAILOUT MEDIA HOOPLA" sponsored by Congress, American Taxpayers and Skillful Rhetoricians.
"You know, if I had to live life over again, I would have to say 'Viva La Bailout'" said one old-timer, an ex-Morgan Stanley Toxic Security Liability, recently hired by CNBC to anchor their new television program "So, You Wanna Bailout? HA HA!"
"Buzz is catching on, most definately, from our fancy media graphics, and highly sexy dance music, with charts and diagrams of business lingo-jingo. This will make Jim Cramer [now bankrupt himself] look as antiquated as Bozo the Clown", claims Head Honcho, in charge of Inserting Dick in Mouth Business News.
The first episode of "So, You Wanna Bailout HA HA" caught unemployed workers in a classic scam, and an instant classic hit. Bailout Media Hoopla created jobs out of thin air, establishing an acutal public company called "It Fucking Makes Sense!" or IFMS, Inc. IFMS created a multi-billion dollar business instantly by giving away paychecks in return for the opportunity to play pranks on those who needed to get jobs.
"The whole idea of our program is to stimulate the economy by wacking off in the faces of those who need to work, and then selling more advertising, in the form of greater and greater Bailouts to cum. Get it? IFMS!" said Probably Fatty Muffin, organ of Chef Monstrosity Capitalism, sitting on his beef stick, licking his cotton candy balls.
IFMS paid for a pull page advertisement in the Wall Shrek Journal, for the following position.
"Available immediately. Order takers for unique product called 'Show me the Bathroom'". Ladies are often embarassed asking strangers for a place to squat to pee and men are impatient when it comes to their units being out of order. So, It Fucking Makes Sense to pay money to Show Me the Bathroom customers the ultimate financial and time-saving solution: an electeronic neon arrow which is 5 feet long, that glows and vibrates anytime you are near a public bathroom. Operating by a Global Positoning System, the huge arrow is attached to one's belt, and it immediately lights up, showing the owner the way to the bathroom. And, even better, everyone watches you holding the arrow in both hands around your waistline as you find your way to the bathroom! For this unqiue opportunity, we are starting our employees at 100k/ year base to sell these product.
"Oh MY GOD, said one pathetically unemployed vegtable, THIS IS LIKE A DREAM CUMMING TRUE", as the vegtable was being moved from the electrode-connected ward to a nice foreclosed unit on Manhatten's East side.
Fatty Muffin, owner of Troubled Asses Relief Program, a new Porn documentary about the current financial bailout, said, "Its hilarious, we bought the rights to these unemployed independent film makers to document their own fictious interviews in this fictional It Fucking Makes Sense company, because they lost their primary jobs, then promptly sold their documentary footage overseas. Plus, we sold advertising on the footage coming back, and put the show on HBO and Showtime. And all we paid for was the intagible rights; all the production, acting, film, etc, was free materials. And, c'mon, who wouldn't want a sign which you held up and lighted automatically and spoke in a mechanical voice, 'YOUR PLACE TO URINATE IS NEAR.' Everyone needs to go, you know."
The revenue generated from the IFMS scam, by hiring workers to sell bathroom pointers-signs ffar exceed the cost of their wages. Bailout Media Hoopla stated through a spokesman, Beggar's Delite, speaking for himself, "Had I known It Fucking Makes Sense that So, You Wanna Bailout HA HA, was hiring, I would of been holding one of those bathroom pointing signs and would of been rich my now. HA HA!" Delite also added that it was great that rich people continue to buy the bathroom pointer signs, too, indicating that this is a great economy after all, which keeps IFMS going. "Apparently, their not even aware they never receive their bathroom signs in the mail, or they just send in the money."
Economist Harry Problem, old geezer, and Author of "Oh, So, You Wanna Bailout, Too?" got his hands on one of the Bathroom Pointers and a pot he could piss in, included for free. On Meet the Pee Press, a new media show dicussing the sign, Problem pissed in the Pot. "No Problem", he croaked.
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