Verizon Communications, Microsoft and Fark.com have joined forces in creating a new service which allows cell phone customers to create a personalized voice menu system which guides parents, employers and even significant others through a menu of voice prompts. "The objective is to create an environment of efficency, irony and management of the most routine phone conversations, and to allow an 'automatic' system of replying." said Jamie Mathcriss, a spokesman from the new service dubbed: "Ad Nauseum". A sample of the IVR for a busy professional is commonly structured in the following manner
"Thanks for calling me. As you can tell, this is a recording, but I am still able to speak with you. Using the numbers on your telephone, please tell me about what's going on."
Press #1: Seed entered a biological organism and my composite existence was recorded
- Press #1: If you'd like to know how I'm doing.
- Press #2: If you'd like to know how I'm eating/ sleeping/ feeling
- Press #3: To return to the main menu
Press #2: The federal government subtracts resources from my daily existence
- Press #1: If the resources in question are substantial and you do not care.
- Press #2: If the resources are too scarce, and as the government, you are demanding a full refund.
- Press #3: Return to main menu.
Press #3: Getting laid with me was the last thing on your mind
- Press #1: I would like to talk about being friends
- Press #2: I would like to break up with you
- Press #3: I do not love you and please return me to the main menu
Press #4: An entry on the corporate balance lists me under "Accounts Receivable"
- Press #1: I am Verizon, please pay
- Press #2: I am Microsoft. please pay
- Press #3: I would rather not tell, but I'm sending you a bill in the mail anyway
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