Razor Kitty Fax Detergent Versus Ancient Fever Rerun

the thing

"You guys" she said, peering around the corner of a sleeping cubicle with a computer with dead hard drive, "I have an annoucment to make". Her voice was gradually piercing higher. There was music in her brain, and from the top of her head, a GPS system could possibly detect a secret map, somewhere.

"Tell us, sweetheart" said Peaky Nose, of Submission Horse. "What, what do you have to say!" Peaky's voice squeeked a couple of notes higher. Jasmine Coco, from Brazil, put down her Dunkin Donuts coffee and practically emitted a combination of a burp and scream from hear the squeeky voices from her cubicle. Some coffee dribbled from the plastic rim, and dribbled down the side of the styrofoam.

"Did I hear someone say they have an 'Annoucement!' Coco squealed. She grabbed a little paper napkin and spotted some of the coffee drops on her desk.

"Oh, YES!" screamed Peaky, "Patty Cake says its important" she screamd from behind her cubicle.

Overhearing from her own cubicle, Misses Peacock from Promiseville, Illinois, said the following: "Patty Cake, Coco, Peaky, what's going on?"

There was a brief pause, and then the first woman to scream was Peaky Nose. It was a shirll, almost orgasmic sound, deep from her belly. At first there was a couple of puffs of  "Oh My God" stated several times in a row, leading up the scream. Then there was a prolong wail, interupted by the phrase "Oh My God" or "Oh My God Sweethart" in staccato, through the screaming and wails. Nose was wiping her mouth between the screaming and wailing, and behind any cubicle, Coco and Misses Peacock got up and rushed over to see what was going on, and if everything was okay. While they ran the five or six steps to get themselves over to Peaky Nose's cubicle, and to where Patty Cake was standing in awe, they muttered and whispering "okay, okay, what's going on, what's going on, okay, okay", while their tiny slippers made excited voices of their own brushing their bottoms against the soft plush carpet beneath them.

Then, Coco starting to stutter the words "Oh, My, God, Girlfriend" and screamed instanteously, and gave a hard stare to Patty Cake. Then she hugged her as if it were the last time they would be alive in a plane going down into the sea. Patty Cake then screamed the word "YOU DID IT GIRL!" Misses Peacock dropped to the floor and used her hands to rub the feet of Patty Cake, kissing them, and silently muttering to herself  "I-I-Can't-Can't Believe This Day".

Patty Cake held an item which looked like a bit of chewed-up bubblegum on a stack of copier paper which looked like a silken pillow from a old 1950's commerical for Royal Pound Cake, a United Kingdom company which went bankrupt. It was the first commerical enterprise which froze their cakes in mass quantities and where its biggest customer was a Unite States platoon stationed in South Korea.

If the Eyes were Keys to the Soul, then the looks of Misses Peacock, Nose and Coco would have been one of religous transformation. For upon the stack of copier paper that Patty Cake held above her head, and the lowered it to the level of her cabal, where they drew their eyes upon the chewed-up piece of bubblegum. It appeared as a  crumb of someone's bone marrow or chicken wing they'd fling out the window of a drive-through. It may have been gum or a piece of Reese's Peanut Butter cup. In fact, Peacock, Nose and Coco were looking at it with a slight degree of confusion, until Patty Cake made her anticipated announcement.

"He gave me the thing to his penis!" Patty Cake shouted with joy, pointing to the little thing on the pile of what appeared to be Royal Pound Cake, the bankrupt United King Company.

At first, Peaky Nose laughed, and clarified "You mean the 'ring' to his penis?" But there was no response. Misses Peacock and Jasmine Coco where crying and uttering words of congradulations. They were estatic with uncontrollable joy, and perhaps a little fear, because they thought Patty Cake was merely making a joke. They knew she was going out with Gregory in Accounting for the previous 5 years, but was uncertain to whether she would ever get the ring to his penis. Years ago, their men gave them ring access to their penis. They celebrated by putting their naken men in a cake, and eating and eating, holding them hostage until the festivities were completed.

"He gave me the thing to his penis, He gave me the THING to HIS penis, can you believe it or WHAT!" Cake screamed over and over again. This caused Coco to hug her immediately, in which the small "thing" to drop on the floor. Peacock accidently stepped upon the "ring" and it somewhat broke. One could not tell, as the thing appeared to be merely a thimble or a small , but kind, microblogger.

At this point, Peaky Nose was not laughing. If anything, it was confusion. She could not figure out what was going on. She was smiling and laughing and crying about the whole affair like the other girls, but it she was not feeling that excited anymore. She felt the "thing" should have been more traditional. She thought hard. Maybe it was a joke. Was Patty Cake just making this whole thing up? Was "the thing" not her man's penis? Did Gregory allow her access to his penis by giving her a "real ring" or did Cake just pick something out of her trash container in her cubicle, put it on a stack of United Kingdom-Pound-Cake-Looking copier paper, and make fools out her, Coco and Peacock.  It was mystery. She had never seen a thing appearing like a small piece of extrement given to a women, with penis instructions, and, in which has now,  been stepped upon by the overweight body of Misses Peacock.  Cake was appalled. She immedately rushed downwards looking for parts of her man's thing.

Coco was terrified and fell to the ground, too. While she was on the ground, she said, "I'm sure I can put his thing back together." They picked up what appeared to be small muffin or bagel crumbs, as if they've had done this a million times before. Then, there was another round of silence, but one of dissapointment, not of excitment. Nose looked at Peacock, winked at her, and idicated the universal sign of lunacy, rotating her finger around the side of temple. Coco blushed, but had to agree. What the hell was going on? They watched as two women beneath them cleaned up the mess from the man's thing below. It was neither a celebration, nor a mark of separation of the thing from their regular routine. Each woman, first Peak Nose, then Jasmine Coco, patted poor Patty Cake on her back with a pity-sounded phrase, "Hang in their, Girl", or "Hopefully, Someday". The office cubicles were then silent again. The cubicle with the dead hard drive was still empty.

Edward Bernays - The Engineering of Consent (What a beautiful phrase!)

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By: Popeye at: 09-08-09 @ 11:10 pm EST
	Oil companies, driven to make the higest return for the stockholders, will pump high quality oil from a field not until it's dry, but until the cost of recovery cuts into stockholder's returns. The rest is left behind as they pump lesser quality oil from cheaper fields. IT corporations, driven to make the highest return for the stockholders, have found the cost of high quality code is cutting into stockholder's returns. The high quality coders are left behind as they search for lesser quality code from cheaper sources. Stockholders pay the ridiculous bonuses to executives that get the best returns. Executives will completely screw the workers to get their bonuses. If you ain't a stockholder (I mean a real stockholder, 10k shares in your 401K don't mean squat), and you ain't a president, then you're gonna' get screwed sooned or later. It's how business works. Stockholders in both cases are several times removed from the consequences of the lower quality product. When they do finally see the consequences of poor quality hit the value of their stock positions, they dump and run. Leave the schmucks in the 401K's holding the bag: am I wrong, did anyone check their 401K balance in January? Yea, me too. The new global economy will balance the playing field by pulling the US down to a third-world level, 'emerging economies' won't be brought up to our level. Economies are zero-sum games. Rising India and China economies means contracting economies elsewhere. Watch, this little recession we hope is ending is just the first in a series of downward steps. This is a matter of the global elite maintaining their control of the world's wealth. All your senators and representatives, and your president, and secretaries of state, and all ther rest are all bought and sold pawns, just like you and I. We're only indentured servents that have been allowed to believe in the grand illusion of freedom and self-determination as long as it profits the stockholders. Now we're starting to cost too much and they're starting to dump and run, drill for their cheap labor elsewhere; and all we can do is sit here and say 'wah-wah! It's not fair!' It's never been fair, we were just enjoying the ride so much we never realized we were being lied to. I'm in the IT department of a really big-ass company and we lost half our staff. Business is picking back up but it's been made perfectly clear to us that there will be no re-hiring; in fact we should be prepared for more cuts. The stockholders like not paying so much. They just canceled all the projects that aren't minor enhancements to existing systems. They've been trying for 6 years now to figure out how to support mill-floor systems from India; even Russia and Ireland have been mentioned in their 'best-shoring' quest. Written into our performance metrics is a task to document everything we do so they can train our replacements, this is not an exageration, it was just added a month ago. Yea, I guess this is a deranged rant from a senior developer stuck on back turns reseting passwords for bored and appathetic mill operators. They tell us every day: This is your new life, get used to it.

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